They say if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day.  But if you teach a man to fish… then he’s got to get a fishing license, but he doesn’t have any money.  So he’s got to get a job and pay taxes, and now you’re gonna audit the poor cocksucker because he’s not good with math. 
   So they’ll pull the IRS van up to your house and take all your shit. And you were just worried about eating a fucking fish, but you couldn’t even cook the fish because you needed a permit for an open flame.  Then the Health Dept. is going to start asking you a lot of questions about where you are going to dump the scales and guts. And ladies and gentlemen, if you get sick of it all at the end of the day, it’s not even legal to kill yourself. - Doug Stanhope

(Source: the--dark-gift, via alexsmasonjar)


Doing nothing with you is my favorite thing to do

(via pride)

(Source: cantess, via gaudygurl)




Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr’s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage.

If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around. After a few seconds, all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

I don’t care what your blog theme is, this can save someone’s life and needs to be spread

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We’re all just f*ckin animals

(Source: fadingserotonin, via filthy-hippie-vibes)




Lobster in a bucket looks like a gigantic monster on a metallic planet, and the waterdrops look like stars.

This is transcendental. 


(via filthy-hippie-vibes)



Hickory Glass

I’m in love.


(via filthy-hippie-vibes)


too lazy to masturbate can you do it for me

(via gaudygurl)